Letting Go

Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I look around at my home, my family, my friends and myself and I wonder… why is it so hard to let go? There are phantoms of the past all around each of us, drifting in our memories, weighing on our hearts and pulling us down with each step of the way. And for some reason, it’s those things we dwell on in the deep recesses of our hearts… it’s those things that haunt us in the night. Why?

Why is it that those are the thoughts that control us? Those are the desires that we refuse to let go of? Those are the experiences that we judge all else upon? Why is it that we have this mentality that time will change the way we feel, or a chance to replace one memory or experience with another will overwrite the past feelings we harbor? Why is it that what has happened in the past affects every moment of our lives today? Why are we so insecure with the present that we dwell in the past, searching for answers that don’t exist and convincing ourselves that the key to reconciling the past lies in the future performance of something that we have talked ourselves into either wanting or dreading to repeat? Why do these fears control us?

Fears… Did I say fears? Yes, that is what I said. These thoughts, desires, experiences, memories, feelings… call them what you will, when it comes down to it, they are fears. And more often than not we base our entire perception of what is or should be or will be upon them. And when we allow these fears to control us, it becomes sin. Don’t believe me? Take a look?

Distrust (a big one for me) = a fear of being let down, not having my needs met, promises being broken, being used or taken advantage of, or someone not meeting my standards or expectations.

Worry = an endless cycle of fears based on trying to change a situation that we have little or no control over, which often leads to depression when these fears or worries are realized.

Perfectionism = fear of failure or fear of someone else doing a better job, often leading to not even trying or belittling someone else’s efforts to bolster your own results.

Obstinacy (being stubborn or controlling) = fear of being controlled by people or circumstances, or of what might happen in I am not in control.

Introversion = fear of being rejected, disliked, unacceptable or put down by others that we allow to become judges of our worth… something that often leads to use judging others before they have the chance to judge us, and something that often leads to hurtful comments being made about someone we compare ourselves to.

And one that is a little off of the beaten path…but is one that I think many of us struggle with the most.

Desire = fear of what we want not becoming ours. This may be desire for abilities or gifts we do not have, desire for circumstances to be different, desiring a different lot in life, a different home or job or family life, no matter what, this is one we all face, and when our desires don’t come to fruition, it becomes a fear that it won’t ever happen or won’t happen the way we want it to.

Touching on this topic… desiring something in itself is neither fear, nor a sin. But when we come to the point that we dwell on that desire and let it affect our lives and the lives of those around us, the thought that that desire may not be realized becomes fear, and that fear leads us into sin.

James 1:15  Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

I know this verse sounds a little dramatic, but it’s true. Setting our hearts upon a goal or a dream isn’t wrong… God expects us to have goals. He expects us to press toward a mark. But when we set our hearts on something and allow that thought to become all consuming and when we allow that desire to grow out of proportion, it becomes fear. Fear that it won’t happen the way that we want, fear that it won’t be fulfilling… fear that perhaps, it won’t happen at all. These fears are what lead us into sin. They lead us into a lack of faith in God, His way, His time, and His plan.

Romans 14:23b …for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

Our fear is caused by a lack of faith in God. It is the opposite of faith and trust. We spend so much time looking back and trying to figure out why God did what He did, or allowed what He did, and so much time looking to the future and planning out the way He should do this, that or the other thing, that we forget to look to the present and see how He is trying to work in our lives right now. We get so consumed by our desires that we forget that He is blessing us now… and we overlook those blessings… many of which we will never have the chance to enjoy again.

This fear in particular, can encompass or affect so many others. The fear of our desire not being realized can cause us to distrust God, our loved ones, or ourselves, and can lead us to fearing what others think of us, or to comparing ourselves to someone else. It can cause us to worry, to fret over losing control of circumstances (that were often never in our control in the first place.) It can cause us to lose sight of what is truly important.

Desire, and the fears we allow to creep into its place breed insecurity… discontentment… murmuring… They create that dark, lonely place in the back of our hearts that we visit in the wee hours of the night, when we think we are all alone. They create that dwelling place for those phantoms and memories, the catalog of our experiences and desires, the records that we base all else upon. Those desires… Those fears… Those sins… don’t come from God, they come from our old sin nature creeping in and trying desperately to take hold. But you don’t have to allow it… God has given us the ability to choose not to fear.

2 Timothy 1:7  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power,( Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.) and of love,  (1 John 4:18  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.)  and of a sound mind. (Philippians 2:5  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:)

Do I write this as an outsider looking in? Yes, but I write this also as an insider looking out. The pain that I allow myself to indulge in when I slip into dwelling on the past is mirrored on the faces and in the hearts of those that I love. And my prayer for you… for me… is that we can each let go of the past, press toward the future, but most importantly, find joy in the present…

Yesterday is history

Tomorrow is a mystery

Today is a gift

That is why we call it the present.