I'm not even sure when I last wrote, and I didn't bother to check. I've got a Shutterfly blog to keep my family up to date about how my kids are growing and what is going on with homeschool, and I'm not going to recount all of that here and now. Eventually I'll get the two in sync and will have one cohesive journal to pass down to my children. But for now, I'm just going to catch up a bit on my thoughts...
A quick recount of the past three months... My beautiful daughter turned 2 on June 3rd, my new little boy made his appearance on June 20th after an early induction due to some minor complications, my oldest son turned 6 on July 9th and recieved his first loose tooth for his birthday, on August 8th I ended up having an emergency surgery, and just a week ago, my middle son turned 4. (And praise God I got to be here for it!)
Actually the thing on my mind a lot recently is how much we have to praise God for. So often we get caught up in the negative side of things... in the dreary life we face from day to day... in the mire of worldly concerns. And I am no exception. I see God working in my life constantly. He provides food and shelter, He pays the bill (not always on this old world's time... but always in the nick of time) and He even blesses us with a few of the little extras that we don't need but desire to have. But even though I see all of this and give thanks daily for it... there are always the thoughts that creep in. The "I wishes" and "if only-ies"... And for me it took facing a brush with death to see how much more I have to be thankful for.
On August 8, I was taken to the ER for a postpartum hemorrhage, (which for those who aren't aware is the the one of the top 3 leadings cause of pregnancy related deaths in our country) and within hours, was in surgery. I went into the surgery knowing that there was a chance things would be against my favor and that I would have a hysterectomy, but with the surgeon's assurance that it was extremely unlikely. Hours later, when I woke up from the surgery, I was told that, unlikely as it had been, I had indeed needed a hysterectomy and that I had lost an extremely large amount of blood.
For those who know me well, I love being a Mom and was looking forward to more children. But my husband and I had decided to leave any family planning in God's hands, and He gave us an answer loud and clear. And in spite of the sorrow at knowing I will never be able to have more children, I can only look back at the past 6 weeks in gratitude. I am blessed to have four beautiful children and a God who knows exactly what I need. I am also blessed that I am allowed to be here to raise my children.
To come so close to not being here with my family as my children grow was an awakening that I needed, and I am thankful for the lessons God has taught me through all of this. Now, I no longer see the dreary concerns of a world in which I will never be able to keep up. I see the blessings and the beauty that was hidden by a fog before. I can watch the roses swaying in the breeze, the smoke from a campfire curling upward in the night air and I can see God's hand in it all. I can hear my children squealing and giggling as the push each other around on the trampoline and I can smile at their carefree laughter instead of worrying that they are getting out of control and may bother the neighbors, and I can wake up to my baby crying in the middle of the night for no reason whatsoever, and I can be thankful that I am here to tend to him.
Gratitude has always come easy to me. I am naturally a thankful person, but as I look at what could have been, I am grateful for the trials as well as the blessings. I am grateful for the way God's mercy has opened my eyes and given me another chance, and I am thankful above all, that God knows what we need and that in His infinite love, He doesn't give us the things we want... but those things that we are needful of. Even when it is a trial or when it comes with sorrows... it's then that He helps us to grow, and growing up is such a blessing.
As I watch my children grow, see them face trials and frustrations, and provide them with experiences that will teach them how to overcome, I am thankful that my Heavenly Father is watching me grow... watching me face trials and frustrations and providing me with experiences that will teach me how to overcome. I am thankful to know that He is there with me, holding me up and reassuring me when I am facing mountains that seem impossible to climb. I am thankful for His love and for the chance to share it with others.
Have you met God face to face? Have you met His beloved Son, Jesus Christ? He died for you... to give you the chance to become a child of God... to have a Father in Heaven who is watching out for you just as He is for me. He loves you and He is waiting for you at Calvary... with a hand outstretched, offering unconditional salvation. All you need to do is ask.
Jesus died on the cross at Calvary to pay for your sins, and one day you will have to face that cross - it's your choice whether you face it with frustration and anger at the roadblock in your life, or with gratitude for what He has done for you. I made my choice, and although life certainly has not gotten easier, it has gotten easier to face each day and each trial because I know that Jesus has already been there and is waiting for me to guide me through. He's waiting for you too....
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